James

6.5

The sad thing here is this is a semi-attractive girl; until you read
her ad that is. Let me count the negatives up...loves racing, tinkerbell, dog named twinkie, lists Austin Powers 2 as a favorite, says "y'all", AND has a wicker bed! Fuck! Are you kidding me with this shit?!

She doesn't have kids, doesn't attend church or smoke or drink, and is attending college.

This one could have had potential with some greatly expanded horizons,
but it is probably already too late. She will be married to a Darrell
inside of two years. I'm chalking up a 6.5.

I pity the fool that has to date this chick!

She's got potential in the looks department, not a bad body- an average face, wears a skirt (a dying art form), but too much unruly hair, the wrong make-up, a shitty Magnum PI top and absolutely no style whatsoever. I'm not much into fixer-uppers.

But, stop the press! This chick's ode to shit is high and wide! She starts her ad by asking for race fans and it crashes from there. She likes Disney. Her favorite is Tinkerbell. Her top movies are the knockout combo of Austin Powers 2 AND, most likely the worst movie of all time, Steel Magnolias (Fried Green Tomatoes was pretty bad, though)! She can't spell Zoe and she's hung that moniker on some poor innocent pet, for eternity. She named her dog after a spongy snack cake, for eternity. In a one-paragraph description of herself, she mentions twice that she's not sure what to say (if you can't come up with a one paragraph description of yourself that's interesting and informative, it's time to reboot your life).

Sorry, I'm not "remotly" interested.

3

No. Not a hideous thing, but definitely not what I am
looking for. I'm more sure of what I don't want then
what I do want. This is almost something I would
write to show what I don't need. Here we go with a
short list...

Disney? No.
Cats? No.
Wants kids? No.
Auto racing? Fuck no.
Shitty grammar skills? Uh... No.
Zoey & Twinkie? Where's my razor?

She isn't bad looking really, but I would never date
her. Only hump.

Final score: 3

2

Ouch. I think I'd certainly have to throw this one back. Any girl who
starts out her ad with "seeking race fans" certainly is not my cup of
tea. "Y'all" just adds to the creeping indifference. With her lack of
grammar skills, it comes as no surprise that she hates school. Twice
she laments about coming up with 120 characters and that just really
strikes me as annoying. I like movies, but her two favorites are not
even on the list of my top 100 (maybe top 500?).

Her appearance isn't awful, but aside from what looks like a
genuine smile there isn't much that I find attractive. So, if I have a
sudden urge to listen to rambling about things that I don't care for,
or have little interest in, I'll know who to write to. In the end I'm
not even remotely interested.

3

No.

This chick will make some white trash redneck very happy some day;
she only makes me mad. I'll let the other Couch Pirates ramble on about
the spelling and grammar errors throughout her ad.

I will trash on the fact that her eyes are so close together. That, my
friend, is a sign of inbreeding. I don't know about you, but I can't get
enough of her shitty farmers tan.

Now I might be wrong on this, but I do believe the correct spelling
for "Zoey" is "Zoe"; did this dumb bitch really name her cat a name she
can't even spell?

I love the line "Although I hate school, I plan on going back in
September." Yeah, sure.

I'm going to throw this one back. I'm giving her a rating she might not
deserve, but in the spirit of Nascar she gets a 3; long live Dale.

4

No, I would NOT do this chick. She's too stupid! Starting your ad
with "hi YA'LL" just tears it for me. I wish she'd die.

A dog named Twinkie, a cat named Zoey (I'm sure Kevin would fuck this
chick on this cat's name alone!), she can't type anything of interest
for her ad, AND she likes racing! She sucks.

I give her a 4.

Dave-O-Meter Rating: Probably if I was Drunk.

This is not a girl for just anyone, this is a girl that was made for
KEVIN! She likes Tinkerbell which is almost goth, AND she has a cat
named Zoey! What she really needs is a little time in the dungeon of
Castle Dirkula if you ask me!

3.58

Gentlemen... stop your engines!