Krista |
|
Tell
Us About Yourself:
iv
got my nose eyebrow and toung peirced and a tattoo
on my lower bak....im single and looking..im goth/sk8ter/punk/rocker
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| How
many of you ladies out there have the stones to submit
your profile to The Couch Pirates and walk the plank
of Rate This Chick?
We've
been receiving multiple applications lately and so,
to make it easier we've now got an online application.
We
can't promise to be nice (some of us probably will)
but we can promise to be honest.
We'll
also promise to send you a banner, declaring that
you were rated by the Couch Pirates, we'll eventually
post you in the archives section (for everyone to
see, for all time) and we'll be glad to plug any site
or upcomming event you have (blog, porn business,
excommunication, whatever).
Interested?
Apply here. |
|
August
29, 2004
About Her
Age: 18
Body
Type: cut
Height: 5'2
Ethnicity: white
Smoking: all the time
Drinking: when i can
Do you have kids?: no
Occupation: Ged student
Religion: anti-christ
Political Views: i hate bush...i think everything he does
is bull...i think abortion should be a womans chocie..and
if a guy loves a guy and a woman loves a woman then they
should get married..
Interests: anything probably......juss ask me
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| Scott |
 |
-
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| Steph |
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8
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| If
this chick had nuts, I'd kick her in them.
Shitty tattoos, sk8ter,
and smoking make for serious negative points.
I could like her politics
and beliefs except that they're nothing but
immature and inexperienced
musings that leave me just short of hating
her.
I
might actually consider this one a worthy
notch on my bedpost if I
didn't think I could keep from punching her
in the face while I fist
fucked her honey hole and poop chute simultaneously.
Clam
Slam rating: She gets an angry fuck 8.
|
|
| Pump |
 |
1.9
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| This
chick is hot, dumb, angry and gulliable. She
would definitely give you a key to her backdoor.
I
guess its ok, I can have some Chick-Fil-A
while she
buys hair dye at Hot Topic.
|
|
| Eddie |
 |
1
|
|
What is there to rate on this one?
She is obviously a little bit retarded in
the head. The only pics we get are of a tattoo
and of her lying on the
floor... I bet she spends a lot of time there.
She has an "I stand for
everything you don't" vibe to her and probably
cares about nothing
deeper then where she can buy her next black
clothing item. I give her
a 1 for the number of abortions I wish would
have happend in this
world... HERS!
|
|
| Kevin |
 |
3
|
I
feel like I'm out in the middle of an ocean,
with sharks swarming around me and I'd just
like to find a piece of driftwood to latch
on to. You see, as the Couch Pirate who likes
flaky goth chicks, it's my duty to defend
my type. I tell you why goth chicks rule,
and the rest of the gang trashes her (unless
she's hot).
Unfortunately,
I'm trying hard to find the driftwood in this
profile... and the sharks are closing in...
Here's
the problems:
- she's
a smokestack
- she's
a lush
- she
can't spell (or use spell check)
- she
spouts a litany of political shit that she
shouldn't pretend to understand
- she
has one of the worst tattoos made outside
a state prison
- her
interests are "anything probably......juss
ask me" - well, we did ask you, and
that's what we got
She's
thin and young, so she's probably attractive
(at least to me and Nicholas Cage) but you'd
never know it from her upside down Photoshopped
nightmare picture. She could have thrown me
some driftwood in her profile but we don't
get anything that you can't figure out from
the pictures she sent to us. I've generally
got a raging obelisk for freaky chicks, but
this one refuses to give me anything positive
to latch on to.
I'm
letting the sharks have this one.
|
|
| Rob |
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-
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| |
|
Steve |
|
?
|
| DIRK-O-METER
RATING: SIGN ME UP!!!!
I am torn between who needs this chick more,
James or Kevin.
She is a tattooed goth skater punk chick which
is Kevin's bread and butter. But at the same
time she HATES GEORGE BUSH AS MUCH AS JAMES
DOES!!!! Its a tough one to be sure because
her level of intelligence, that we can see
from the ad, implies that she would give up
her poop chute for some Carl's Jr. Curly fries.
I myself would plunder her browneye 6 times
a day just so I could finish up on her shitty
"mom and dad" tattoo.
But that's just me.
|
|
| Jim |
|
-5(0)
|
| Gawd
!!! You just have to love this. What a sad,
sad bitch. This crazy ho is fuck'in drunk and
passed out on the floor. It is obvious she wrote
her whole letter while she was drunk. She smokes
all the time and drinks whenever she can. She
is a high school dropout and a devil worshipper.
With a picture like this what else do you need?
What an absolutely shitty photo to send us.
She could have at least shown us her tits. That
might have helped her case a little bit.
Her body is cut??? Well, she DID IT TO HERSELF
! ! ! (with a little help from the devil on
her back)
I am truly sorry for this chick as it would
seem to me she has nothing to live for except
to smoke and drink and take shitty photos.
Hey sleazebag. . .I have a gun you can borrow
but you only get one shot and trust me, I will
be nowhere around when you pull the trigger.
Hey, I know. . .Let's just send her to prison
now and save ourselves a lot of trouble later.
I am sure she can make several bull dykes days
(and nights) very happy. Sorry, even though
she is lying there passed out on the floor,
she just looks to sleazy and nasty to even want
to fuck in an act of total desperation. I wouldn't
fuck her with Scott's dick. . .and that thing
has been just about everywhere.
I will have to give this chick my lowest score
of any chick ever. -5
Rave OFF!!! ho |
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| Average |
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