Not just another pretty face....

 

Tell Us About Yourself:

I’m down to earth, classy with a sexy wild side and will always keep my man guessing. I have been described as the "full package". My friends would describe me as very loyal, honest, attractive, confident, level headed, passionate, determined and most of all a happy person. I'm fairly fearless and want to live life to the fullest. I can go from jeans and a t-shirt playing pool to a full evening gown conversing with the best of them. I like to be outdoors and enjoy golfing. I like to watch movies while cuddling on the couch. I enjoy watching sports and even mowing the lawn. Well I don't really like to mow the lawn but I do it anyway :). I like to go out with my girl friends and take a few spins on the mechanical bull. I also love Vegas. I work out on a regular basis and take care of myself. I believe you HAVE to have these 5 things to make a relationship last... trust, honesty, respect, intense attraction, amazing chemistry & a deep, deep love for one another. I love to laugh and think that's an important component to a healthy relationship. I'm excited about finding the man that I will spend the rest of my life with, that will compliment me perfectly and vise versa. I'm a strong, aggressive person in the business world, but a sweetheart in my personal relationships. So if you're looking for a woman that has a lot to offer and will give you everything she has if you turn out to be the man of her dreams then send me an email and we can see what happens.

I think it's hard to describe your perfect match. It's amazing the things that you will overlook when everything just fits. If it's the right person you will love them for them and not for all the qualities that you are able to check off your list. With that being said... here are some of the things that I do look for in a man... someone that is adventurous at heart... that can go from the campground to the country club, you may not like the campground but you must be able to tough it out for a day if you had too. I'm looking for someone that is attractive, confident but not cocky, has a lot of charisma and is a great friend to the people in his life. My guy is the type of man that all his friends look up too; he is very driven and knows what he wants and how to get it. Once he commits himself to something nothing can break his focus. My ideal man is VERY strong in every sense but when it comes to me I want to be able to see the softer side of him... he must be very affectionate with me and want the same in return. I love a well traveled man with knowledge of great wine & cigars. I have to say... I find a well dressed man incredibly sexy! I like a man that takes care of his body and lives a somewhat healthy lifestyle. Someone that is always going to have my back and I will have his. Someone that's willing to make his future partner his everything and is ready to get that in return. I'm looking for someone that will be my best friend, an amazing husband, a passionate lover and incredible father to our children. Before you get scared off that's in the future.... I'm not desperate to get married and won't settle the second time around. I will have the relationship with my future partner that so many others are scared to wait to find and settle for something less than the full on fantasy relationship. So if you are a rare man looking for a rare woman and are interested in getting to know me better then email me.

 

September 5 , 2004

 About Her

Age: 29

Marital Status: Divorced

Body Type: Slim

Height: 5' 5"

Eyes: Hazel

Hair: Blonde

Ethnicity: Caucasian (white)

Sense of Humor: Clever / Quick Witted

Social Setting: The life of the party

TV Watching: Reality show addict, Sitcoms, Movies, Documentaries, Channel Hopper

Smoking: Doesn't smoke

Drinking: Drinks socially

Living Situation: With pets

Have Kids: No

Want (more) kids: I'll tell you later

Education: Some College

Employment Status: Full-time

Occupation: Banking / Financial Services / Real Estate

Income: I'll tell you later

Religion: Christian / Protestant

Attend Services: Monthly

Political Views: Middle of the road

Astrology: Virgo

Languages: English

Interests: Community Service, Dancing, Dining, Family, Movies, Listening to Music, Outdoor Activities, Religion / Spirituality, Watching Sports, Theater, Travel, Cooking, Playing Music, Health/Fitness

How many of you ladies out there have the stones to submit your profile to The Couch Pirates and walk the plank of Rate This Chick?

We've been receiving multiple applications lately and so, to make it easier we've now got an online application.

We can't promise to be nice (some of us probably will) but we can promise to be honest.

We'll also promise to send you a banner, declaring that you were rated by the Couch Pirates, we'll eventually post you in the archives section (for everyone to see, for all time) and we'll be glad to plug any site or upcomming event you have (blog, porn business, excommunication, whatever).

Interested? Apply here.

 

 Scott

4.5

I know I have no room to talk but this chick bothers the shit out of me. I think it’s just the pictures of her. As Steph used to say “Eat some taters bitch!” This one is way to thin for my taste and she has those damn cow eyes that I hate so much.

She says a lot in the ad which is better than not saying anything like most of these women seem to do when writing their own ad. I’ll give her a 7 on the ad and a 2 in the looks department, she’s just way to thin for me. I might not even do this girl, okay I’d do her but only if she wear’s the cowboy outfit.

Overall Rating: 4.5

Steph 

9

What is wrong with this chick? I don't see anything right off the bat. Ah hah! She wrote a really big long glut of stuff for her ad. Wait, I read it all and found it...well, I liked what she said. About herself and about the man she's looking for.

She's divorced. Okay, that's what's wrong with this chick. Wait, she might've just made a mistake and now she's single and willing to try again.

I'm confused. I can't seem to find anything wrong with this chick, Kevin. She seems smart, fun, outgoing and I sort of like her. And I would like to date her. Yes, I would actually entertain the idea of a real relationship with her if she is truly real about what she is saying.

Alright, I do hate that she is addicted to reality shows. But like she said, if it's the right person, you'll love them for them and not a list of qualities you made up. Oh, crap. I give up. I might as well marry this chick.

Clam Slam rating: 9, because she's probably got an unsightly mole somewhere on her body.
(I had to find something wrong with her)

Pump 

10

Yes. Yes. I would.

Eddie

9

You would think that at age 29 this girl would be more jaded. I mean
come on. How many of still believe we are looking for our soul mates? If
you find someone that can put up with you for the rest of your life you
are doing good. She needs to get her head out of the clouds, come down
to planet earth, and take a sip of reality. I give her a nine for the
cloud she is sitting on writing these too long emails about hope, joy,
and all that make believe stuff.

Kevin 

7

This chick was just horny when she placed this ad. She's not serious about meeting someone online. I refuse to believe that someone who looks like this and seems to have her act together will be willing to meet some random nutsack who emails her out of the blue. Frankly, I don't think anything less than a Kennedy (and I'm not talking about Ted) will be sufficient for this chick to hook up with. I just don't think she's seriously looking.

I can't blame her for being picky though. She's managed to both be hot AND not have kids until she was 29! She doesn't need a date, she's needs the Nobel Peace Prize! I like her profile and her attitude. She seems to be about as "together" as anyone I've seen on Rate This Chick.

Obviously, I'm not her match, so she takes a hit there (fuck if I'm going to fall for a girl who wants nothing to do with me!) and while she is hot and together she misses on two of my major needs... she must be geeky and she must be kinky. Sorry, but she fails on those two fronts. Nothing personal.

 

Steve 

?

Dirk-O-Meter Rating: SWEET JESUS YES!!!!

This is one of those tough ratings because no man in his right mind would turn down the crazy sex this chick would provide. She is hot enough to cook eggs on.
However....She wouldn't give any guy that made less than $250,000 the time of day.
Let's decode her ad shall we?

#1: Divorced. Lets be honest if she was everything she described in the ad then she would still be married. She is either a raving bitch or he went to prison for dealing meth and she divorced him.

#2 Loves Vegas.
Sure she does, as long as you are paying.

and #3 Looking for a driven confident businessman.
She is looking for a rich workaholic to spoil her ass until he dies from exhaustion. Then it's off to Spring Break in Mexico with the pool boy!

Mount her? Yes!
Let her know where I live? Not on your life!

Average

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- I sent this one out four weeks ago and I still haven't heard from some of the Pirates!