How many of you ladies out there have the stones to submit your profile to The Couch Pirates and walk the plank of Rate This Chick?

We've been receiving multiple applications lately and so, to make it easier we've now got an online application.

We can't promise to be nice (some of us probably will) but we can promise to be honest.

We'll also promise to send you a banner, declaring that you were rated by the Couch Pirates, we'll eventually post you in the archives section (for everyone to see, for all time) and we'll be glad to plug any site or upcomming event you have (blog, porn business, excommunication, whatever).

Interested? Apply here.

 Scott

Ahhh! I do so enjoy looking at the first participant in the "Couch Pirates Gang Bang."

What a great memory I will always have. Jim warmed her up with a tongue lashing then pulled out “The Enforcer” (his huge penis) then gave her a log jamming that might frighten most the weak of heart. I remember when Pump and me gave each other a high five. It was when while me, Pump, and Steve made her "air-tight". That’s one in the up fertile crescent (Steve), one poking the ole' brown eye (Me), and one hitting her gag relax (Pump), for you amateurs out there. Yes that was fun. I loved it when Kevin gave her the money shot that looked like the state of Hawaii across those oh so tasty boobs. Steph was there too and with a little help of KY Jelly, jammed a fist into her crotch. It looked like a David Copperfield trick. Where was Dave you ask? Well, he sat in the corner jacking off while shaving his pubes. Eddie, well he couldn't be there his band was playing a gig out of state.

Enough about what we do a couple times a week. This girl is hot and doesn't have much to say, which is not a bad thing. But that is bad for “Rate this chick”. I'll give her a 9 for the picture (and the tight bunghole) and a 1 on the ad. You must give us more than a few words and a 3-hour gang bang.

Overall Rating: 9 (Come on, do you think I would really give her a five? She let us gang bang her.)

Steph 

As Kevin would say, HOLY NUTS AHOY!!! Yes, I would!! This chick's dumb and doesn't use spellcheck, but I can completely forget that.

I'm also not sure this is real. It's probably some 54 year old Star Trekkie nerd posting this with some photo he grabbed off of roseynipples.com. But hey, who the hell cares? If this chick is real and this photo is real, then I'm moving to Acadian (Canada). No doubt aboot it.

Yes, yes, and yes. I am a sucker for a hot, young blonde. That is all I have to say.

Clam Slam rating: 10, based entirely on her underage porn picture.

Pump 

Hmmmm... I smell fake somehow. Oh well, fake poon is
better than no poon. She gets an 8.1. She can't
spell, but she's hot. All is forgiven.

Kevin 

Let me begin by making a definitive statement: Canadian chicks are hot. I've come to this conclusion over the past year of surfing around and talking to various hot chicks... many of them from Canada. I don't like hockey, or speaking French as a second language, or Celine Dion, but I'd be willing to cast that aside for a sweet piece of Canadian pie.

With that said, I'm not certain that this chick is Canadian but she has "french acadian" so I'm assuming that she's from the Great White North. No matter what her nationality is, she's smokin' and she has the presence of mind to send both a full body shot AND wear lingerie. That scores big points. (And hey, note to other chicks who want to be rated... NO PHOTOSHOP HORSESHIT!!! Believe me, that artsy filter doesn't make up for the fact that you have a bod like a baggie full of cottage cheese..)

Almost nothing else appeals to me about this chick. Her interests and description read like a cold bowl of oatmeal... plain, sticky and BORING. I'm sure all of that will interest other Pirates so she can date them.

What I'm willing to do with this chick involves about 50 feet of rope, nipple clamps, cherry flavored lube and a ball gag...