Bachelorette seeks social acquaintances

 

 

Tell Us About Yourself:

Single Bachelorette - Independent, Never married, No kids, No baggage, physical & athletic, formally educated, career-oriented, ambitious, attractive, liberal, confident, and motivated professional - are some of the characteristic traits regarding my personal profile.

In essence, I am potentially seeking social acquaintance(s) with similiar characteristic traits for ultimate friendship - while also incorporating the possibility for a mutual, yet selective acquaintance for mental & physical chemistry attraction for an exclusive relationship. I am interested in meeting new people & the personal opportunity to associate with other single bachelors for social occasions.

Physical characteristic traits are: 5'5, 105, slender, lean, petite, intense, and athletic & toned regarding my personal profile.

I have lived in numerous foreign countries Overseas from Western Europe to Far East Asia - and speak the romantic French foreign language. Amongst my numerous diversified careers ranging in the civilian capacity from psychiatric to law enforcement - I am also a Former U.S. Marine. I have a tremendous appreciation for diversity, various cultures, devout vegetarians, and esprit de corps for physical fitness as a meaningful & significant way of life.

Goal oriented and career-driven, I also possess a BA in Psychology & a BS in Criminal Justice - pursuing a Masters/MSW. However, I firmly believe that creative imagination is independently more significant & more valuable than any form of academic knowledge. Regarding individual autonomy, I sincerely believe that a strong sense of self is sexy and individuality is totally attractive, yet also appealing for a mutual, personality connection regarding a positive, down-to-earth, mental attitude.

Essentially, I personally desire the potential opportunity to connect with other "career professionals" on a social level and the occasion to meet new acquaintances for social opportunities.

Thank you for reviewing my personal profile and best of luck in your future endeavors. Semper Fidelis!

 

January 30, 2005

 About Her

Age: 35

Marital Status: Single - never married

Body Type: Slender

Height: 5' 5"

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Blonde

Ethnicity: Caucasian (white)

Sense of Humor: Friendly, Clever / Quick Witted

Social Setting: Social Butterfly

TV Watching: I'll tell you later

Smoking: Doesn't smoke

Drinking: Drinks socially

Living Situation: Alone, With pets

Have Kids: No

Want (more) kids: No

Education: College Grad

Employment Status: Full-time

Occupation: Politics / Government / Military

Income: I'll tell you later

Religion: Christian / Other

Attend Services: I'll tell you later

Political Views: Liberal

Astrology: I'll tell you later

Languages: English, French

Interests: Reading, Playing Sports, Health/Fitness

How many of you ladies out there have the stones to submit your profile to The Couch Pirates and walk the plank of Rate This Chick?

We've been receiving multiple applications lately and so, to make it easier we've now got an online application.

We can't promise to be nice (some of us probably will) but we can promise to be honest.

We'll also promise to send you a banner, declaring that you were rated by the Couch Pirates, we'll eventually post you in the archives section (for everyone to see, for all time) and we'll be glad to plug any site or upcomming event you have (blog, porn business, excommunication, whatever).

Interested? Apply here.

 Scott

3

I know why this girl has never been married before. Because she is out of her fucking mind! Did anyone read her whole ad? Maybe I'm just a dumb-ass but this chick was killing me with the big words, she must have recently taken a Creative Writing Class. I saw she has a degree in Psychology which means she will be always trying to tell you what's wrong with you, but in reality most people that have this degree are really the loons with the problems. If you can make it far enough in the ad you will see that she is a Marine, this justifies what I said early "She is out of her fucking mind!" But Pump will probably dig that, since he was once on himself.

Ahh Jesus Jones! I just read through that ad again its horrible. Screw it, lets move on to the looks. Yeah she has a nice body but she looks as if someone took a Power Sander to her face. Hey I'd like to do that to her myself. I really hate the chick.

Overall Rating: 3 (Yes I would do her, but I would do it at Pump's home and tell her I was him.)

Steph 

8

<YAWN> Could this chick be more of a fucking windbag? Christ, lady, you
look to get laid online with personals, not try to find stimulating
mental conversations.

Yes, I'd bang her, but I don't think I'd hang around for anything else.
I think she looks hot in her photo, probably about an 8. But with all
that jabberwocky she put in the ad she gets deducted 5 points. She gets
added 1 point each for the following: blonde, non-smoker, doesn't want
kids and is a college graduate. Which brings her back up to a 9.

However, she gets docked 1 point for being exceedingly dull in print. I
dream that she is a firebrand in my bed.

Clam Slam rating: 8

Pump 

9

OK, first off... I think this ad is fake. I base
this on the fact that I served 4 years in the Marine
Corps and saw NO FEMALE MARINE THAT LOOKED THIS HOT!!!

Other than that, she's obviously out of my league and
into the next galaxy. But if I could, I'd mount her
and make her carry my seed so I can ride on easy
street and lay at home and get fat(ter).

If a woman can, so can I.

RATING: 9

Dave

5

Dear fellow Couch Pirates. Beauty is a good thing. Intelligence is a good thing. But can't you see a relationship with this woman going something like this.

The alarm to start your day would be her working out in the next room to the C&C Music Factory (and she would probably be singing along). Breakfast would be organic something or other. Work. Lunch. Work. Come home and read and re-read Bill Clinton's faggety autobiography. And how in the hell is an ex-marine a liberal?

Kevin 

4

Fuck this salt and vinegar vagina! Is this bitch applying for a job or looking for a fucking date?!!

Ms. Cryofreeze 2005 doesn't really have time for a social life, but she's reached the age where her friends are talking behind her back and asking why, if she's such a "great" catch, she doesn't have a MAN, and it's starting to irritate her. So, she gets online and fills out an application that states her interests like a pre-flight checklist for a NASA launch and expects the offers to start pouring in.

The only guy who would be interested in doing something with this cold fish, is another gung-ho fuck who is in the same position and tired of being compared to cast members of Will and Grace, and really only wants a thin wife to show off at office parties.

It's good she doesn't want kids because her and her sad partner would create soulless children that look like that little brat in the Grudge.

Oh, and by the way, she needs to loosen up a bit, no one gives a fuck about a body like that if it comes with all the personality of HAL 9000. That's why I'm nominating her for the Manute Bol Anal Revenge Award. Enjoy it sweetie!

Rob 

9

Wow, first time to do one of these in awhile and she's pretty with it.
Reading her ad sounded a lot like applying for a job application which
is a bit scary. Not that I mind her precise and educated approach. She
certainly appears to be an amazing and talented chick. She doesn't
smoke, she's clearly educated, and certainly brings more than her fair
share to the table. Not only that, she is very attractive. While I doubt
that this chick would have any interest in me I must say that I would
love to sit and talk with her.

Steve 

?

Just this once I am skipping the Dirk-O-Meter and using.....

THE PUMP-A-TRON 6000 GAGE!!!

And The needle is REDLINED baby! This chick could be 500 pounds with several children of different paternity and chainsmoke banana peels, the fact that she was a Marine means she is Pumps dream chick.

Is she a Commie Liberal? YES!

Is she Wayyyyyyyy to much into talking about how smart she is? YES!

Does she explain her Ideal relationship in such a complicated way that you feel like you are reading a Tax form? YES!!!!!

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!

He would convert to Islam just to lick her greasy butthole.

ITS TRUE!!!!!!!

But now that I think about it I WOULD convert too. She is hot.

And the fact that she respects vegetarians means she digs it in the dirthole!!!

Jim

3

First off I have no photo of this one so I cannot really give a full review of her. However I must say that she writes a pretty good resume. It is very well worded and written. From her physical description of herself she sounds very cute rather like a blonde Vasquez from Jim Camerons ALIENS movie. However,I really doubt that she has ever seen this film.

She has nothing in her description of herself that sounds very appealing to me. She says nothing of what she likes to do for fun or entertainment and quite frankly she sounds rather snooty and boring. So if you are ready to spend your entire day speaking French at a military boot camp training facility then this could be the hottest chick on the planet. However I had rather be watching ALIENS and drinking a beer than listening to this uppity broad.

I give her a 3 only because of her well written if not snooty resume and the fact that I had no picture of her to further boost her rating.

Daniel

6

The verdict:

Kevin, why are you sending me a resume?? This "personal" add sounds like an application for a job. I can sum up her four page paper on herself with the following: I'm looking for a smart dude to hang out with. Instead we get five paragraphs of crap.

She's easy on the eyes and her dedication to physical fitness is admirable, but the biggest thing holding me back is that she was a Marine. With my insider knowledge of female Marines I can tell you that she's probably seen and done things with guys (or probably multiple guys in the same session) that even Kevin hasn't thought of. So if you're looking for an experienced woman, she's for you.

Me, I'll pass. I give her a 6 for being smart, in shape, and, well, doing anything you ask of her in bed.

Wrap Up

- I think we've established two things.

1. Sometimes a hot body will excuse anything.

2. Female Marines do crazy shit with lots of guys (thanks Daniel).

-Kevin