6

Okay. I give the chick a 6. She has a decent bod,
nice tits, okay bio. But that's all that's going for
her in my opinion. Shitty hair....real shitty! And
she likes to play games (but not head games...MY
ASS!!!) Oh yeah, and she doesn't drink, but will have
some of what YOUR having. She sounds like a cheap
trick-ass bitch that is high maintenance....but she
does have nice tits. A 6!

James

Okay, she's a BIG Scooby Doo fan. That tells me all I need to know about this one. While she doesn't have any visible tattoos, she is surely aching to get a rose to adorn her breast, and a large "DARYL" across her ass. When she mentions PDA's, most people would think of the palm pilot/address book/organizer electronic devices, but she clearly is using the old Public Display of Affection. I am NOT a big fan of either form of PDA, so she's losing ground quickly. I don't need to see you making out while I'm trying to eat/watch a movie/bowl/whatever. Save it for your home, okay? As for her pic, all I can say is that it appears she is trying, but being cursed with that face makes it all in vain. Her body doesn't seem half bad, but with that mug, there is no saving her. I'm giving her a whopping 3.7.

This chick has a nice body but the date on that "Glamour Shots" style pic is 1999… three years ago! Believe me, you can put on a lot of weight in three years… I know.

There's some stuff I like here, she wants to dress up for me, that's an excellent sign that I'm not going to have to look at her hair in a ponytail every time I see her. She likes public affection, which is good, as long as it's not over the top. Finally, it looks like she's past her party phase, a good sign.

Her negatives are heavy though. Kids. Scooby Doo. Outdoor activities. Cars. Scooby Doo. Animals. SCOOBY DOO!

She's better than average, but I'm not ready to miss out on Saturday evenings with the Couch Pirates to date her.

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! One sure fire way to tell someone is white trash is the amount of cartoon character merchandise they have. Scooby Doo is a very WT choice. Tazz would be the #1 of any true white trash individual, male or female. Also, Marvin the Martian is a bad one.

Notice that she actually had a quasi-professional photographer do the "Biker Bitch" shot AND that it was taken in 1999. Curious... Why would she use a 3 year-old photo? My guess is she is swelling up like a tick as we speak.

Now that I have addressed those issues, I will narrate what she is really saying and effectively being said in parentheses. Here we go...

I am looking for new oppurtunities (sic) and new
friends to enrich my life. (Can't land a guy around
here, they know my rep) I am a BIG Scooby Doo fan (I
AM WHITE FUCKING TRASH!!!), and love animals (I have 7
male cats and 1 female and they all have Snow White
names... You'll just love them). I aminterested
(sic) in cars (Hope you have a nice one) and other
outdoor activities (Hope you have a boat too, Pancho)
and enjoy dressing up to please my companion (I blow
my Taco Bell check and child support at outlet malls
and $5 Old Navy shirts) as we go out to enjoy a night
on the town (You'll pay, of course). Hopefully you are
big into PDA's (I like to say "PDA" in hopes someone
will ask me what they are and give myself a false
sense of importance), as I am thoroughly into them
myself (Tetris). I love to sit at a table as a band
plays in the background (Can't wait for Glass Tiger to
reunite) and feel my dates (sic) lips on mine (Makin'
out is cool iffin others is watchun... Hyuk!). I do
not drink, but enjoy tasting what you are having (I
drink). I also enjoy going to the zoo (You'll pay, of
course) and all that Forest Park has to offer (You'll
pay, of course) and dinners in the West End (You'll
pay, of course). I am a very open (I talk all the
fucking time) and giving person, and am seeking
someone to enjoy all life and love has to offer
(Please, help me raise this kid...). I enjoy playing
games (Do I ever!!!), but no head games please (I'm
not very smart). My goal is to make the right person
happy and fulfilled (By making myself happy first.
Plus I don't want to be alone). You know him. (And if
not but have money, that's fine too)

This girl looks okay in the first picture and absolutely ugly in the second one. In the first one she looks like a funky biker chick and in the second picture with her wading in the river, now doesn't she remind you of something or someone? Think about it hard, from the 80’s. This girl looks
like a Gelfing, remember those elf like creatures from the Dark Crystal. She looks just like a damn puppet. Well I don't do girls that look like a puppet and quite honestly her second pictures scares the shit out of me. Overall I give her a 2 for the bio and pictures. Buyer beware of this one, she's a Gelfing.

This chick isn't too bad, but the photos are a little weird. Her ad says she's got dark brown hair, but her photos are clearly blonde. Guess she's not sure on the hair color. She is rather pasty, but her body's nice. Her writing's not too bad either, though I have no idea what a PDA is.

What scares me is this chick's ad describes someone I could possibly be interested in. Except for the kids, but they are part-time. She looks pretty good for someone who's had kids. If she STILL looks like these photos, that is. Yes, I'd do her.

I give her a stable and overall 7.

DAVE-O-METER Rating : I WOULD!!!!!!

I am going to say that as I write this James and Kevin are duking it
out Fight Club style over who gets to date this chick. She is Kevin's
wettest of wet dreams with her "dressing up to please my companion
as we go out to enjoy a night on the town" line, as well as her near goth 1st picture. James on the other hand would want her because when they put down "No answer on religion, rarely attends services" they might as well put on a t-shirt that says "I Hate Jesus". Plus she has big cans and James collects cans like a cranky senior citizen! All in all she isn't bad looking, but she sounds like a flake.