Eddie

2.3

Fake boobs... check. Too much make up... check. Old Mom hair...
check. If you like 24 year olds that look like your mom, you're in luck... I
think I'll pass. I give her a 2.3... I am not sure why the number just kind
of jumps out at me.

Does anything STICK OUT at you in this ad? What rack?… Oh! You mean the knockers she's breaking her spine to stick in the lens of the camera?!! This chick has made a career out of riding on those melons.

She's ugly, has no sense of style and she wears jewelry the size of Saturn's rings. "Hottie"… I don't think so!

She has kids and wants a "real man". Need a translation? Try this on for size; "I've screwed half the nut sacks in this state. Now after several kids, I've woken up and realized that my life is screwed to the moon because all I have to offer is some Tutankhamen size honey-dews, and the usual asshole that I typically date, won't have anything to do with me, so now I'm looking for a nice guy, who I should have been dating all along." Neat.

While some of the Couch Pirates will no doubt be mesmerized by her cans, you should know this… one of the sexiest woman I can think of right now is Gwen Stefani and she has very little up top. I've never been impressed with bodacious chi-chis and when you remove that attribute, the only thing left here is a sad cry for help.

The chick is a ringer. I mean, it's a ad for porn to be spammed to your box. Nowadays, most personals weed out any ".com" type of stuff really well and the knuckleheads have to resort to this. On the off chance that it is real, her ad sounds great. On the other hand, if she has to resort to the internet to find men with a rack like that then you can damned well bet she is crazy. Would I mount her? Only if I knew I was leaving the state and could never find me again. I know Steve says never mess with crazy girls, no matter what... But that rack is tooooo tempting.

Wow, those are some big jugs this girl has. I mean look at them, there like two rugby players fighting for possession. They're looking for any chance what so ever to escape that shirt. Okay they're big boobs, but my question is how are the nipples? The nipples make the boobs guys. To have a bad nipple on a nice big boob is like having pizza without the cheese. I won't eat pizza without cheese so I pray that this girl has some nice nipples to go with those nice fat jugs. Besides her boobs, I must say not drinking and not smoking are thing I like in a girl, but having kids at home mean she does have some baggage to deal with. My next question is how many bags has she packed? Seriously the mom bomb is not the worst thing ever besides that means you know she puts out and those types usually do rather quickly, like the second date (maybe the first if you play your cards right.) She's not ugly or stupid like most of these ads; she will probably make someone a good wife someday. She's not what I'd be looking for exactly, but I would take her out, and definitely do her. She looks like she could be very fun in the sack. Overall she warrants the rating of a big fat juggy 6.

This chick sounds sincere. She's average looking, but those boobs! What is WRONG with them? I think she's schmooshing them up to the camera for us to see, but at the same time they look like a really bad boob job gone awry. I don't mind her ad. She sounds vaguely intelligent and independent, but lonely for a wiener. I give her a 7.

Chick #1 Just lookin' : the Dave-O-Meter Says: I WOULD!!!!!
One look at the massive rack of boobs on this chick says that any of us WOULD do her!

Kevin would because she has her own house so they could engage in all kinds of kinky paddling without having to worry about dave seeing him dressed as little bo peep.

Dave would because she has big jugs and enjoys arts and crafts.

James would because she is a Capricorn and never once mentioned Jesus in her ad.

Scott would because he is married and needs some strange to keep his pipes from rusting.

Pump would because she has kids at home AND a "Hottie" shirt which can only mean she is a "Hot Topic" shopper and Pump LOVES that store she also lists her political views as Not Political which is secret code for "proud member of the Michigan Militia".

Stephanie would because she is a college grad.

Mike would because she listed outdoor activities.

However I wouldn't because she needs to go to church ALL THE TIME!!!