(July 4, 2002)-Welcome everyone to another edition of Ring Rust. It’s been nearly ten days since the King of the Ring PPV and I must say that it was the worst WWE pay per view I’ve seen all year.
King of the Ring was a very predictable event, and the last match between the Undertaker and Triple H, just plain sucked. Why did The Rock have to interfere? Why can’t the Undertaker win a damn match straight out? Why? Why? Why? Tell me why no one and I mean no one can win a match straight out anymore? Are backstage egos so big that no one can do a clean “job” anymore? When is the last time we’ve seen a “heel” win a match against a top tier wrestler out right? It’s been a while; trust me.

Oh I hear you bitching; I hear the marks whining saying “What about Hogan tapping out to Kurt Angle’s ankle lock submission? That was a clean win for Angle” My question to you is, did Angle win cleanly? Well to be honest I’m pretty sure a chair was used in that match but I could be wrong. But just to be sure I will find my tape of this year’s King of the Ring and re-watch that match. Give me ten minutes and I’ll have your answer.

While I watch this match let's talk about my predictions. Yours truly managed to predict 6 out of 8 matches. Not bad, but believe me folks I would almost rather not get any matches right and be surprised by a great PPV, than get almost the whole card right and have the PPV suck. Before I give off the impression that all the matches at this PPV sucked, I will say that the “Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho” match was a great match. Thanks guys, too bad the rest of the matches weren’t as entertaining. The WWE needs to find a way to make these PPV worth the 35 dollars they're asking for them, not just another show to set-up matches on Raw and Smackdown.

Okay, I was wrong Angle did grab a chair but never used it on Hogan. My bad, but this one match doesn’t mean that the “heels” are getting clean wins all the time. If you ask me this was one of the first straight-out wins against a major “face” in a long time.

All right enough of me griping about the PPV and on to the long awaited story of the Smackdown tapings. As most of you guys know, the WWE Smackdown shows are taped on Tuesday nights and shown on T.V. on the following Thursday. It was Tuesday, June 4th about 5:30 p.m. when me, my wife Rebecca, and Couch Pirate Kevin all jumped in the car and started the drive to Oklahoma City where the show was set to take place. It took us about 30 minutes to arrive at the arena and park the car. This puts the time about 6:00 p.m., we walk up the stairs and to the only place that they will let people in to their seats. It’s very early in the evening and we approach a sea of people that look as if they belong in an unemployment line or at the Flea Market.

I’m serious when I say that many of these people needed to be hosed off in the backyard with the garden hose and a bar of soap. I mean do people not notice when they smell bad? Now not all the people there needed a bath but a good deal of them did. I guess that’s what you get with a wrestling crowd, the good ones and the bad stinky ones. There were people dressed in their favorite wrestling shirt, while some where dressed as their favorite wrestler. There was even one guy that was dressed just like Jeff Hardy and carried around a Tag Team Belt with him. This gentleman claimed to be the cousin of Jeff and Matt Hardy, yeah sure.

After watching the crowd for about 20 minutes or so we decided to walk to the lounge-like room just on the other side of the room we were currently in and wait until the doors opened over there. This room was great not as many smelly people and it had nice comfy fat chairs to plant our butts in. We sat down for about 10 minutes before we were interrupted by this girl that I will call “Patty” for the rest of this article. “Patty Hardy the lost Hardy sister.” She was big ugly and purple, Yes BIG as a house, UGLY as hell, and PURPLE like Barney. She looked as if the character “Pat” from Saturday Night Live and “Grimace” from McDonald’s had a child. She had no neck and big nasty Harry Carey glasses, a “Pat” styled haircut, she was hunchbacked and had the biggest damn Hardy Boys, purple T-shirt I have ever seen. I mean if this girl found a shirt that fit her, then none of us should ever have a problem finding wrestling shirts that fit us ever again.

There we were sitting watching people and out of nowhere this girl comes straight over to us as if we held up a sign that said “Patty Hardy over here.” For whatever reason “Patty” comes over to us and politely asks us if we know where the bathrooms were. We told her we didn’t know, expecting that to be the end of the conversion. Us not knowing where the bathroom was really wasn’t a problem. I guess because we talked to her for few seconds, and we were all there to watch wrestling made us “friends.” Patty went on and on about stuff she knew in the wrestling world. She knew where most of the wrestlers stayed the night before and even pointed to the hotels as she talked. She knew most of the rumors that are reported on the Internet. Patty claimed she knew this stuff because her sister used to date Michael P.S. Hayes back in the mid-1980’s. Now that makes sense, why? Michael Hayes used to wrestle here in Oklahoma for Mid-South Wrestling at that time. I’m sure Hayes had many girlfriends that he boned on occasion as he passed through Oklahoma towns. Patty claimed that Michael (Hayes) still talked to her sister and that’s why she knew everything about these wrestlers.

Why am I fascinated by the knowledge of Patty, not because she knew about it no not at all, Patty didn’t look like a girl that knew of the internet much less knew how to get on it and surf for wrestling stories believe me. I was happy to know that this person was telling some of the stories and rumors that are on the net, which made me, believe that a lot of the rumors are very much true. I guess Patty made me feel good that all the time I put into the smart sheets and internet wrestling news sites isn’t a total waste of my time. Some of these “rumors” are real and very true.

Patty talked her little chubby heart out and went on her merry way. We waited around for about 20 more minutes and claimed that she only came over to us to talk to Kevin (he denied it of course). The doors opened at about 7:30 p.m. and by eight the show started. We got to watch a couple of Dark Matches and the Velocity Tapings before Smackdown started. We got to see a Battle Royal with all our WWE favorites including Triple H, Hogan, Angle, and Jericho. We saw the WWE Tag Team Titles change hands, and a #1 Contenders match for the WWE World Title. The show was great and crowd was really into most of the matches. Seeing Hogan for the first (and probably the last time) live was awesome, that old man still can make the crowd go wild. The Show ended at about 11:00 p.m. and we were tired from all the yelling and clapping that we did.

If you have never seen a WWE event live I suggest you go and try it out. It is very different from the show you see on T.V. but it’s really fun to view it live and in person. Well I’ve talked more than my fair share and with that said I bid you all farewell. Until next time you Marks.

-Scott

Question of the Month?

Who made up the last version of the Midnight Express? I need their names. Jim Cornette was their manager.

Last Month’s “Question of the Month?”

Who were the two original members of the Midnight Express? I need their names. (And it’s not Jim Cornette he was their manager)

Answer: Bobby Eaton and Dennis Condrey

Email your answers to me at: fatfinley@hotmail.com.

Scott is the Couch Pirates own wrestling expert analyst. He runs an action figure wrestling league (the AFWA) and is a founding member of the EFW (he also created both sites, check them out). After you read Ring Rust, you'll never watch wrestling the same way again!